Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize