My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
