Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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