I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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