i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
