who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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