my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
