wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
