i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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