When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
