look no pants
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
