So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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