she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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