We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need a beard to bite.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
