it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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