i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
