Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
