ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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