She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
