I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
