That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
