just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
