it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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