oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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