mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
