New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
