My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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