ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
