dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
