Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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