K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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