The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let's get the cat blown out
I love you. Go after that dick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
