And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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