oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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