just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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