whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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