After last night, I could never be a politician.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
