the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
