i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
