i just wanna soil my oats bro
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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