My sheets look like a crime scene.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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