she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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