he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
