Me. At least after what I've been through.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
