Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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