This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
