Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
