i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
