Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
