Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
