It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
