Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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