hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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