i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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