I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
