i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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