fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
