Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
