You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
