May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just had sex on a roof
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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