I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
