i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
