I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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