I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
