oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
